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“What’s with the camera?” – Soon-to-be-Porn-Starlets Everywhere

That is the age old question that Couples Seduce Teens answers. And I’ll tell you this much it involves humpin’. Again, there really isn’t much to explain here. All the context you need is in the title, like Snakes On a Plane or Robocop.

The action starts with the titular couple, Lexi and Ethan, and their cameraman, spotting a coed on the campus of a community college. Admittedly, it’s kind of creepy, and I get the feeling that it’s very similar to what a pedophile does when cruising their local learning institutions. Seemingly unaware of their own creepiness, Lexi and Ethan (and cameraman) approach the teen and find out her name is Melanie. Of course, The Question is asked immediately.

“What’s with the camera?”

Like total pros, Lexi and Ethan concoct a totally B.S. story. They tell Melanie that they’re filming a documentary about Lexi, and that since she graduated from this particular community college, naturally they’re shooting some of it here. Which is funny, because Lexi probably couldn’t graduate from Taco Bell. Regardless, young Melanie seems to buy this and it quickly comes out that she’s waiting for her friend to pick her up. But the friend is late. What a shock!

So far in this scene, Lexi has done all the talking, which is good. Ethan looks like a total goon. I mean, in the world of freaks there are the inbred, Okies, what they show in tents at carnivals, and then there’s Ethan. If he had approached Melanie without his wife, the titular teen probably would have unleashed mace all over this chump’s face. Lucky for us there’s a cherry on this train wreck— Ethan has an Insane Clown Posse tattoo! I kid you not.

In all fairness, Lexi isn’t exactly a prize. But it’s beyond me how Ethan ended up with her. Maybe he’s funny. Real funny. To be totally honest, I really couldn’t have cared less about all the people involved in this production. I could believe that the entirety of Fraggle Rock is more believable than anything that happens in this flick.

One can only hope that our next sexcapade will contain some better
“acting.” Like Herschel Savage. He studied under Uta Hagen and Stella Adler. No pun intended. At the very least, maybe we’ll get some more likable people. You know, a couple and a teen you really want to root for.